Monday, June 11, 2007

Zombies!

I am actually doing some research on this topic once again, including an article I stumbled across about a Cambodian Mosquito causing victims to perish and then reanimate, and I am also currently reading Max Brook's "World War Z".

God I love Zombies. So here is my 2nd essay I wrote in Kim Carter's English class- the essay where I really got my passion for writing back. Enjoy.

The “Evolution” of the Zombie
Everyone in their lives has seen at least one “Zombie” movie. The telltale signs are bloodthirsty, recently deceased, cannibalistic, villains who feast on the flesh of the living. Usually, the protagonists of the story dispatch of their would-be attackers by removing the offender’s head or destroying the brain. These types of horror movies have been around since the 1960's breaking into mainstream media with George A. Romero’s cult-classic, “The Night of the Living Dead”, and more recently, “Land of the Dead”, co-produced by Romero, respectively. As special effects, progressions in theatrical performance, make-up and acceptance of such gruesome themes have grown, so has the portrayal of the living dead. Zombies just aren’t the same as they used to be.
In the black and white classic “Night of the Living Dead”, a small group of human archetypes are stranded inside of a small cabin besieged by a large army of the undead. At no time does the movie explain exactly how a person becomes a Zombie, only that those who are bitten by Zombies become Zombies themselves. The “Strong Alpha Male”, “Conniving Survivalist”, “Strong Alpha Female” and “Infected Child” are just a few examples of the usual character suspects. Their attackers are characterized by slow, lumbering motions and moaning. They are incapable of advanced motor functions, the use of tools, logical thinking or reasoning, or even basic forms of communication. In short, at least one or a small group of the protagonists find a way to survive against insurmountable odds and manage to avoid becoming a buffet to a large group of reanimated corpses. For example, in “Night of the Living Dead”, the “Alpha Female” is able to avoid becoming dinner by simply running faster than the attackers or pushing them away. This version of the undead is very susceptible to ordinary people and can easily be shoved aside for escape reasons. The “Alpha Female” is able to use various garden tools to fend off her weak and lethargic enemies and escape to survive another day. This was the industry standard for this movie type until the twenty-first century.
The man most often held responsible for the updating of the undead movie is Danny Boyle, the writer of the dark comedy “Trainspotting.” Boyles’s movie “28 Days Later”, while not technically a Zombie Movie due to the fact that the cannibals are not actually dead or reanimated, still upped the bar on scary movies. In “28 Days Later”, humans are infected with a disease called “Rage” which was transmitted by an infected monkey bite. The “Rage” infected humans display the same attributes as early Zombies such as flesh-eating, barbarism, and poor cognitive reasoning skills, but with one major difference: these Zombies could run, jump, or grab; basically anything a normally functioning human could do. Boyle rationalized that a Zombie should be able to do anything in death that he could have done in his most recent state of life. For example, if the Zombie was in perfect functioning health, aside from the fact that he is a Zombie, he should be able to run as fast, grab as hard, or fight just as lethally as if he were alive. In fact, in the remake of Romero’s “Dawn of the Dead”, writer James Gunn applied Boyle’s principals and made his Zombies more lethal than the original.
In 2004's “Dawn of the Dead”, a small group of people are besieged by a large army of the recently deceased. This time, those who are bitten rapidly become Zombies themselves and transform into nightmarish killing machines. These Zombies are able to run (that is if they have legs, and some of them don’t), jump, swim through water, climb fences, or tackle would-be victims. In fact, all of the protagonists are eventually mauled or eaten, or become Zombies themselves. The update of the antagonists in this version of the film apparently translated with audiences very well; “Dawn of the Dead” grossed over $150 million in US Box Offices.
In 2004 a different breed of Zombie movie crossed the pond from England to the United States. “Shaun of the Dead” was written by Simon Pegg and humorously lampooned the genre of movies by using Zombie moans jokingly and often confusing the corpses as “drunkards.” The main character Shaun often scolds his oafish friend Ed for referring to the movies villains as “the zed word.” Pegg modeled his Zombies after the original formula; slow, lumbering, mindless and hungry. “Shaun of the Dead” made such a splash in Hollywood that George Romero offered the co-stars bit parts as Zombies dressed as their counterparts in his last movie, “Land of the Dead.”
While one version of Zombie is by no means superior to the other, cinema buffs usually prefer one or other. Younger audiences tend to prefer the latter version because the movies end up being a bit more gory and violent, whereas the former version relies on it’s suspenseful moments. I also like the newer version of Zombie, as I believe that if Zombification of the human race were possible, it seems more plausible that people would behave just as they did in life were they to be reanimated. The advancement in the behavior of the undead has opened a door to endless possibilities for even more entertaining and frightening genres of movies.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

A title couldn't do this story justice.

After I got off of work today, I decided to drive out to Tomball (about 10 minutes North of where Melissa and I live) to visit her at work before she got off work as well. I was a little hungry, as I had been at work from 11am-3pm and had not eaten anything over the course of the day. Kept it on the healthy side, as we have been dieting a little bit over the last month or so.

So Melissa gets off work, and asks me if I'd like to go grab a beer, to which I always reply "Of course!" We drive to our usual spot, Molly's Pub, which is about 2 minutes from where Melissa works and about 6 minutes from our apartment. We sit and play the video crack machines for a while, bullshit with a few of the patrons and employees (who all know us by our names, as we are pretty regular regulars) and have a few beers. It gets to be around 8pm, and Hell's Kitchen comes on, so we decided to stay and watch it at the bar, rather than hurry up and drive home, because we both needed to get a little food in our stomachs. We finished watching Hell's Kitchen and decided to drive home.

We got home around 9:15pm and plopped down on the couch. Melissa told me she wanted to take a little nap, so I used the situation to my advantage and played a few games of MLB2K7 (where the Astros reign supreme, of course). Around 11:30pm, I woke Melissa up and told her that we should both go to bed and get some sleep, as we both have to work in the morning. She acquiesces.

This is where my memory gets a little fuzzy. Chris (the bar manager) calls Melissa up around 12:15am and says "Hey, we have the Old '97s (a popular indiebilly band from around the area) playing here tonight! You have to come out!" I did kinda like one of their songs, so we said "eff it, why not?" So I drive back out to the bar for the second time that night. We arrived back at the bar and immediately ordered a pitcher of beer, and I began playing MLB2K7 up on the bar playstation. At this point, an older gentlemen wearing an off-colored peachy orange shirt came up to me and introduced himself as "Butch", the guitar player for the Old '97s. We sat and chatted for a little bit, while Melissa was busy playing the video crack and I told Butch that we would come watch a little of the set.

The time started to wind-down to about 1:50am or so and I was feeling rather smashed. Melissa informs me that I had begun to start ordering water after water complaining that I was extremely thirsty. It was at this point Butch returns to where we are sitting and says, "We have an open seat for you right down in front, if you'd like to come watch for the last few songs!", so Melissa and I grabbed our respective pitchers of beer, and headed towards the stage. The Lead singer yells to me on the mic "Hey Kid! You smoke?" I nodded in response and held up my pack of cigarettes and yelled back, "Yeah, we'll sit towards the back so the smoke doesn't bother your voice!"

We sit down and the band launches into an acoustic version of "Time Bomb", the song I do happen to recognize. As soon as the song is over, Butch comes over to where Melissa and I are sitting and says "You have to tell me your Woman's name, we're going to sing a song for her."

I reply, "It's Melissa."

"You aren't being specific enough, I need a full name!"

"Okay... Melissa Ann Seymour!"

"Okay, I already have the song in mind!" he laughs as he walks back to the stage.

The band launches into this ridiculous improved song that had lyrics that rhymed with Seymour, "I wish I could be more, Wouldn't have to pee more, etc.." We had a great laugh at Melissa's expense, and she informed me it was closing time and we had to go, as we both had to work in the morning.

Around 3am, I woke up thirsty again, a little fuzzy, and walked into the kitchen to grab something to drink, as I was STILL very very thirsty. I saw a bottle of Dr. Pepper in the fridge (which I haven't drank in weeks due to aforementioned diet) and quickly slammed it down thinking to myself, "How in the hell did we get home last night?"

As I'm walking back to the bedroom, Melissa calls out "Baby are you okay?" as she usually does if I wake up in the middle of the night. "Yeah, I'm fine, I just needed something to drink. By the way, how did we..."

And then I realized something. I couldn't remember the point from which we had left the bar the second time to getting home, and the details of the night were really drunken hazy anyway. I had to think about it for a second and began to explain my conundrum to Melissa, when I had finally come to understand what had happened.

I had just had the most awesomely vivid dream of my entire life. We had actually gone to bed at 11:30pm that night. I had dreamed the WHOLE thing. And I didn't realize it was a dream until about 4 or 5 minutes AFTER I had woken up and tried to explain myself to Melissa.

After I told her the story, I said, I have to write this down. This would make a pretty interesting blog. So here I am, finishing this up at 3:38am, right before I go jump back in bed to sleep for another few hours before I have to work.

Man. I am a party animal in my sleep.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Once school's out, it's on like Donkey Kong.

Yes, I am lax in my posting.. but I figure I'd make that up to you by posting my favorite paper I've ever written.

This paper got me a perfect score in my college english class and is an in-class essay i wrote in 55 minutes. Enjoy!


Welcome to the Jungle
Humans are the dominant species in the Animal Kingdom. They have opposable thumbs which allow the use of tools, cognitive reasoning and problem solving skills, and an insatiable appetite for gossip. There is a beacon of drama and a vast wasteland of broken dreams, success stories, stellar careers, and human failures: Hollywood. The behavior of different types of Female Celebrities can easily be applied to behaviors of animals in the wild, whose actions are as varied as the animals they represent.
The “Serious Actress”, or Matronus-Oscarwinnum, is a graceful carnivore in the Hollywood Jungle. The Matronus-Oscarwinnum is deft in her handling of the Paparazzi Jackals, often tackling and devouring before controversy is aired. Much like a lioness, the Matronous-Oscarwinnum keeps a very tight circle of companions and only reveals her intentions right before she springs upon her prey; whether it be an overzealous interviewer or an Oscar-worthy biopic role. A perfect example of Matronus-Oscarwinnum is Nicole Kidman, who constantly handles gossip with grace and dignity, and is capable of maintaining a very private life while fueling a successful career. The Matronus-Oscarwinnum is the Queen of the Hollywood Jungle.
The ever elusive Paparattus-Cantavoidem is a stange species in the Hollywood Jungle. Much like a North American Deer, the Paparattus-Cantavoidem is a very beautiful creature that flees at the first sign of danger. Much like the deer, Paparattus-Cantavoidem is constantly a target for big game hunters shooting a risqué photo. This particular species is not as talented as the Matronus-Oscarwinnum, yet receives notoriety for its beauty and escape tactics. Elusive by nature, Paparattus-Cantavoidem still makes appearances in gossip rags due to the drama/controversy that hounds them like a drunken pack of redneck hunters. Being herbivores, the Paparattus-Cantavoidem can be seen eating nothing but salads and the like as they are obsessed with weight and self-image. Cameron Diaz is a classic example of Paparattus-Cantavoidem, especially after her break-up with pop king Justin Timberlake. Cantavoidem may try to keep her dirty laundry private, but the Paparazzi Jackals still manage to stalk her.
In more recent times, experts have discovered an abundance of a third species of animal inhabiting the Hollywood Jungle. Behaving much like a flamboyant peacock, Partyhardus-Notalentum are continually in the spotlight. Partyhardus-Notalentum have a tendency to portray themselves as stumbling drunk, having disdain for others of the species (i.e. “Frenemies”), being incapable of mature and responsible work ethic, and most often a displaying of her genitalia as a way of attracting an audience, the way a male peacock spreads his plume to attract a mate. Much like a peacock, Partyhardus-Notalentum serves no real purpose in the Hollywood Jungle other than to be an object of humor and ridicule. Harboring no defense mechanism, the Partyhardus-Notalentum constantly falls victim to the Paparazzi Jackals. More often than not, extremely embarrassing videos or pictures often surface displaying this species behaving in bizarre manners such as driving the wrong way down an L.A. Freeway with marijuana in the car, “accidentally” flashing genitalia at the Paparazzi Jackals, checking constantly in and out of rehab, habitual drug use, etc… and that’s just Nicole Ritchie!
Unlike other species in the Hollywood Jungle, the Partyhardus-Notalentum has a very define hierarchal structure. Their current Queen Supreme is Paris “Pay attention to me!” Hilton. Like the Queen of the peacocks, no other of this species is hunted or photographed more or under heavier scrutiny. Hilton is a constant target of celebrity bashers, for there are many jokes with “Parish Hilton” as the punch line.
People have behavior that seems abnormal, but celebrities are also just normal people with extraordinary professions. Being a media celebrity will most definitely cause otherwise normal people to behave in strange and abnormal ways that they would not otherwise portray. This leads me to believe that the Matronus-Oscarwinnum, the Paparattus-Cantavoidem, and the Partyhardus-Notalentum are a completely different species of human being.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Perception/Bruce Springsteen Ice Master/Bayside




I have to say, I feel sorry for the poor sap. He loved that little kid as if he was his own, even though it was painfully obvious the mother was a cheater. I guess that's just how relationships are, and how it all boils down to perception.

Human beings biggest mistake is seeing what they want to see, and not what is plainly in front of them. Take for instance, my favorite scene from "Dawn of the Dead" (and only because the dialogue is a bit of hilarity on it's own)

(upon viewing the carnage on the streets of a major metropolitan city, 2 security guards begin ruminating on how this outbreak of the undead is going to ruin their plans..)
Mark: Man, you know that fat chick from Dairy Queen? She was supposed to come over tonight. I was totally gonna hit that.
Terry: Mark. Everyone is dead! Your Mom, your Dad, your sister, the fat chick from Dairy Queen, they're all dead.
Mark: Yeah, I guess you're right. That sucks.

This creates a dissension in the ranks. You have Person A who believes that this they are totally correct on their view, while Person B will totally kill Person A to prove they're correct.

Look at emo kids, honestly, how can they leave the house with their hair cut like that? *sigh*

Alas, we will never see eye to eye. But please readers, if the obvious is looking you right in the eye, especially in the form of a baby that has no possible way of being your own, just accept the truth. Yes, you may have been had, but at least you don't look like an idiot.



I wish I had pictures from a few weekends ago. Melissa (my girlfriend) and I had met up with my sisters Ricki and Noel, two of my favorite people, at the Galleria. Melissa and I had spent the day at the Aquarium with her niece and nephew, who are 3 and 8 respectively. We were pooped to say the least. Melissa, desperate to find something comfortable to wear to the Bayside show (see below for review), ran into some trendy clothing store with loud boom tiss boom tiss boom music and overwhelmingly fragrant body spray, so I resigned myself to peer down on the weirdoes ice skating below me.

Lo and behold, a vortex opened before my eyes, and a man, no, an enigma appeared before me. Wearing stonewashed blue jeans, a blue head bandana, a skullcap mullet (you know, long in the back, bald in the front), and the awesomest skating moves this side of Scott Hamilton, I could hardly believe my eyes. This guy must have thought he was competing in the White Trash Olympic Ice Dancing competition. Damn! I couldn't zoom in enough with my camera phone to get a clear shot. As I ran into the store to show my sisters what I had seen, I ran out to peer over the balcony again, and my skating hero had disappeared! I had apparently been victim of a 1980 hallucination. Shucks. He sure was funny looking.

Post script- He was real. And I got his picture! I wasn't going crazy!



I'll keep the Bayside review short. And I have to post the setlist, once I can find where I put it. These guys are so amazing live, and they seemed reenergized since the last time I had seen them, especially touring behind a new album (THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE HEADLINER!) Oh Anthony, how your lyrics are the meaning of my life. Amazing. Even cooler enough- 2 members of the Smoking Popes came out to perform "Megan" from Bayside's acoustic album. Not a show highlight, but I have to admit, it was pretty funny. And hell yes, they played Dear Your Holiness. A+ performance.

That's it for now, I have the bubble guts and english 1301 at 10am, so I must sleep.



oh yeah- download "Message in a Bottle" by Matisyahu. DO IT.


links:

http://www.baysideisacult.com
http://www.myspace.com/bayside
http://www.myspace.com/matisyahu

http://www.myspace.com/allphilla -> my personal myspace page.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Caution: Contents Harmful if Swallowed, or... Welcome!

If you are reading this, then thank you! This means that you probably had nothing better to do at work or had some time to kill while your Myspace page was loading. And in my case, that's quite a bit of time. Stupid 300 memes.
Anyways, welcome to Explosive Bloggoreah. This is going to be my daily blog that I use during my tenure as a College Student (for the second time) to hone my writing chops. I also plan on using it as a chance to vent my gripes and complaints and other things that I find abnormal in the human behavior department. I have to forewarn you though- some of the things I write may be offensive, but I'll try my best to keep this blog safe for work, so don't fret. I also have a very one sided opinion on some things, though I'm very open to any sort of communication that the reader would take the time to communicate. Basically, I'm just trying to perfect my craft as a smart ass writer with smart ass things to say while I pursue my education.
So thank you. You have now been infected with a case of Explosive Bloggoreah.